3/30/2017 0 Comments #TransparencytimeSo, of course if you read the heading of this post then you already know that in this post I will attempt to be transparent.
Recently, I messed up. I don't want to go too much into detail but I messed up. I overstepped a line, a boundary! Let me see if I can share this without sharing too much. There was a situation that happened where I said the wrong thing, I said too many wrong things, I went way too far. By the time I caught myself it was too late and by the time I assessed how bad the damage was .....the snowball had already started rolling. On one hand I felt like I should have known better than to make such a costly mistake. However, on the other hand the fact that it happened, let me to see that, Nope I don't know better. There is this very intricate balance to how we operate in ministry and everyday we strive to get things perfect but....you know it can't always be perfect. I was really upset about this situation, and of course in my distress I had to take it to God. I had to plead to Him, "why did I not catch myself?" See, one of the difficult things for me right now about managing ministry is, when you're married everything is connected. On one hand the connection can be good but on another the connection can be trying or damaging. When you work alongside your spouse in ministry your words are their words, your mistakes become their mistakes. This has always been one of my biggest fears. I never wanted/want to be a liability to my husband or his calling. This particular situation not only cost me but affected my spouse. That right there for me, is a triple edge sword. I was really upset about this situation, and of course in my distress I had to take it to God. I had to plead to Him, "why did I not catch myself?" My husband has tried to console me, friends have tried to console me and then I hit Instagram and I see the picture above from Leading & Loving It. I hear You Lord, I hear You. Although I did mess up, and although I should/could do better next time. Maybe just maybe the mistake was on purpose. Meaning, maybe the mistake was to help me to see what I needed to work on. To help me to learn a valuable lesson in how I handle a certain aspect of ministry. God has greatly provided for me and my family as we have committed to this journey He has us on. He has constantly and consistently said, "Daughter, I am with you and I am for you!" He has shown me in a magnitude of ways that although there is much to learn, it is ALL for my good. I never asked to be behind the scenes in ministry, and it was because I never felt I was equipped to handle what takes place back there. The more I learn, experience, and see the more I still stand behind that original feeling. However, the more I grow in my walk and commitment to Christ, I learn that what I feel doesn't matter in the larger scheme of things. I am learning that although He cares for me deeply and greatly, He wants me to be obedient. He wants to me be obedient because He knows what is best for me. He knows every step, every valley, and every mountain. He knows how my mistakes, my falls, my trips will through the power of HIM turn into my triumphs, my victories, and my wins. This is why I stay before Him, this is why I love Him...... This is why each and every day I become more and more SOLD OUT for Him. So if you have followed this post from the beginning to this point right here, then you should already know what is about to come next. My mistake... Is MY BLESSING. What feels like the biggest blunder thus far, also feels like a great big, beautiful lesson! That picture, those words, reminded me that He brought me to this place, at this time! He "called" us to this and that means I can rest in the fact that He will provide. Valley or Mountain with Him It is ALL GOOD #BecomingHisFirstLady
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